


Papercut

by Lesbianoutlaw



Category: Jason Todd - Fandom
Genre: Angst, But its my take on canon, Gen, I just want Jason to be happy and Bruce to be his dad again but first, some characters are just mentioned at this point, takes place after Under The Red Hood, will tag more if more characters added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 04:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14742317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesbianoutlaw/pseuds/Lesbianoutlaw
Summary: See, being abandoned by Bruce, being maimed by Bruce, being left for dead by Bruce, that he could understand. Every single parental figure in his life had done it to him already, Bruce included, so why should he expect anything different?But Bruce saved him. Him. Pulled him out of the exploding building instead of the Joker, even after Jason had attempted to shoot him.Why?





	Papercut

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic, and is a weaving of my own canon.Hopefully a lot of chapters if I can motivate myself. Funny enough this started as a Jaykyle fic beginning and then I wrote this b/c I was really feeling Jason's mixed feelings on father figures. Retweet if you got daddy issues too! Anyway not beta'd so let me know if I missed stuff up. Comments and Kudos appreciated!  
> Name and lyrics from Echo by Kevin Abstract

**_/He was a bad son, so he left home/_ **

He remembered flashes of red and green. Comfort and warmth, a stern figure cloaked in darkness, a British accent kindly chiding him, a childhood strangely fluid and tinted green.

He remembered pain. Suffocation. Remembered calling out for his dad, terrified as numbers slowly counted down time.

He remembered a strange calm, a peace he’d never known he craved as his vision went dark.

He did not remember much after his death, though he often awoke trying to dig himself out of a phantom tomb. 

He remembered his training, remembered Talia and her cold, motherly words soothing his nightmares. He remembered his hatred towards his father, remembered attacking him in heartbroken rage.

He remembered leaving Gotham, bruised and broken inside and out. 

Jason had left Gotham more confused than ever. It seemed his memories, remnants of a past best forgotten had betrayed him. They no longer made sense to him. See, being abandoned by Bruce, being maimed by Bruce, being left for dead by Bruce, that he could understand. Every single parental figure in his life had done it to him already, Bruce included, so why should he expect anything different?

But Bruce saved him.  **_Him._ ** Pulled him out of the exploding building instead of the Joker, even after Jason had attempted to shoot him.

**_Why?_ **

How could he separate the Bruce who hurt him to save the Joker from the Bruce who would hold him as a kid when he had nightmares? How could he separate the Bruce who replaced him so easily from the Bruce who pulled him from the explosion? How could he separate his hatred for Bruce and all he stood for from his love for Bruce, and the realization that he had never stopped loving him? 

Jason was lost. All he wanted, all he planned, all the work he sweated over fell apart in one night. He had built himself up from the ground after his death on the foundation of revenge against Bruce. His crusade for justice against the Joker and Batman had been his meaning, but after his failure to kill the Joker all he built started to crumble beneath him. Without it, he did not know who he was. His entire persona seemed to disintegrate before his eyes.

But funny enough, for the first time since he died, Jason felt like he could breathe. He had no plans of revenge or justice to distract him from doing what he loved most; bashing rapist's’, wife beater’s and pimp's skulls in. 

The Red Hood was still active and feared, but he became more vigilante then mob boss. And he left more hearts beating then not. 

Time passed, life went on in Gotham. For a while Jason lay in bed all day too tired for anything, even sleep, before donning his red helmet and going on patrol. Even patrol was uneventful. Just petty crimes and no run ins with other vigilantes. The Bat and his brood did not go looking for Jason and Jason did not go looking for the Bat. Some days this enraged Jason to the point where he would shout profanity laced insults directed at Batman out across the maze of dark buildings in hopes of his appearance. In hopes that Batman would show up so Jason could finally figure out if he cared. It did not matter whether Batman loved or hated him, though he expected the latter, the lack of Bruce even trying to find him made Jason feel terrible. Indifference was a greater torment than if Batman threw Jason in Arkham. Indifference meant Jason meant less than nothing to Bruce. And he could not live thinking that.

Finally, after a week of sleepless nights and waking nightmares Jason snapped. He tracked Batman, following him halfway across Gotham before he decided to actually confront the man. Jason sensed Batman knew he was there, so he waited to find a deserted area to make his strike. However, Batman ruined his plans by going into Gotham Cemetery. Curious, Jason followed Batman closely until stopping dead when he saw that his ex-father was holding flowers. He watched unmoving as Batman put flowers on a grave, and then watched him vanish into the night as quick as he had come.

Jason had a sinking suspicion about who’s grave Batman had just visited, and walked towards it, heart beating fast. He stopped dead, looking down at a grave he swore he would never return to. There seemed to be a half dozen of bouquets decorating the headstone, some so decomposed they must have been left many weeks before. But every single one had a note fastened onto the back. Two simple words.

_ “Come Home” _

Bile rose to Jason’s throat and he tore away from the tombstone, tears burning his eyes. After what seemed to be an eternity he finally collapsed into his safe house’s bed. Closing his eyes he saw the image of the headstone and the notes hidden beneath the flowers The notes angered him. The notes saddened him. The notes filled him with a joy he forgot he could feel.

He thought first of the young boy who had once only desired a home, only desired for Bruce to tell him he belonged. His fist smashed into the wall.

He thought next of when he had awoken from the Pit, when he could finally think without the green haze of rage taking control. He remembered Talia wrapping her arms around him, asking what was wrong. 

"I miss my dad, where is my dad?" Jason had cried. And Talia had rubbed his back until pain and rage once again hollowed him out.

Jason grabbed his red hood helmet and hurled it at the wall. Shaking, he heard a voice in his head, one he had not allowed himself to think about since he died talk to him.

"Now, Master Jason, you are a part of this family. And in this family, we finish what we have started, and we do not hesitate especially when it comes to doing what is right."

Jason marched toward the helmet, and began to smash it to pieces until only fragments and dust remained. Jason used to believe that the mask was a symbol of his rebirth, of a path against Batman but staring at the pieces he saw it for what it was: a symbol of hatred and pain. 

He had been filled with so much anger, pain, sadness, that he had lost his himself. His empathy, even his desire to live had abandoned him. He had stopped helping others like he wanted, and had instead focused on a stupid, selfish crusade. But he promised himself with every piece of the helmet he crushed, never again. He would do what was right, no matter if Bruce agreed or not. 

His first life ended with a broken body, his second life ended with a broken helmet.

“Here’s hoping third time’s the charm,” Jason thought, before curling into bed and letting the echoes of his past envelop him.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah its short but like I said hopefully more chapters coming! A face-to-face talk! More characters like Alfred, Cass, Steph, Duke, Etc. A new costume for Jason and some happiness b/c its what he deserves!
> 
> anyway come find me @femmechronicles on tumblr :)


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